"Expect the Unexpected"

"Expect the unexpected." People always say this like it's some kind of amazing philosophical statement, but I'm pretty sure it's just a nicer way of saying, "Realize nothing works out exactly as you think it should." Life is pretty much not what we think it should be. Goodbyes don't last long enough, hellos are more awkward than we want them to be, people get married, boys don't come back home, you get sick at inconvenient times, bridges are closed, you fall asleep and end up missing something, you meet someone new and even better, you end up liking Spring even more than Fall, pain heals, and you start wanting different things. And it's okay. It works out, because in the end, every morning you wake up is another day that you're alive, and all it takes is breath for life to go on. And that ends up meaning just enough.

I've been feeling desperate for summer for several weeks now, but now that summer is here, I still feel a little desperate, but I'm not sure what that means. I know I wasn't just waiting for school to end. I was hoping that once it did, life would feel a little more right, but that doesn't happen over night, apparently. So much is uncertain right now, which I'm starting to be okay with. I'm trying to grow in to this idea of a life uncontrollable. I'm trying to grasp that whatever I think will happen is probably not going to, because I spend so much time analyzing the details but missing the big picture, and then the details don't add up and I get confused, because hey, I planned everything flawlessly. But it doesn't happen that way. It's okay, Niki, it's okay. It has to be. You'll still wake up in the morning.

There are certain things I expected of this summer, certain things I still expect. But already I realize summer won't be like I thought it would be. People that I thought might be important won't be, and others will be. Interests are dropped. Opportunities come and go. I change my mind. That's life, and this is it.

I guess I expect the unexpected.