Everything in my life is changing. It's incredible and terrifying. I feel like right now so much is ending, and so much is about to begin. A new life is right before me, and I have literally no clue what it's going to look like. There are a hundred things I want and hope for, and of course I have plans and a direction set out, but I have this overwhelming sense that my life isn't in my own hands at this moment. I don't have control. I don't have certainty. It's frightening. But it is also liberating, because I know my life is in the hands of One so much wiser than I.
My humanity is screaming in fear and impatience, but by the grace of God there is also a gentle assurance surrounding me that no matter what happens, it's going to be okay. In fact, it will be more than okay. It will be good--truly good. This unconditional trust is something new in my life and it's something I don't fully understand yet. But I am unwaveringly thankful for this conviction and confidence in the One who is writing the story of my life. I am not my own; I have been made new. This life is His. I am learning to recognize that my disappointments are simply stepping stones to the beauty before me which I cannot yet see. And I am learning to recognize that the joyous things which exceed my expectations and fill me with hope and gladness are to be seen as purposeful, not simply pleasurable. I am learning to reject my tendency to simplify and make selfish every occurrence in my life. The things happening are building me and molding me. I shall not reject what comes my way, and I shall not cling to anything tighter than I should, because I know so much is temporary.
Never in my life have I been more convinced of God's goodness and sovereignty than the last few months. It is truly overwhelming. Moments of fear and anxiety are covered by whispers of hope and prompting to draw near in prayer. Moments of excitement are becoming reminders of God's incredible desire to bless us and make us aware of His abundant glory. Sunsets are becoming a sign of God's creativity and beauty, and new opportunities are a reminder that God will not be closed in or limited by the few roads we perceive as possible. It's like in all things God is saying, "Who but I can destruct or construct anything?" All that falls passes through God's hands, and all that is good is a blessing and a gift. And all things, whether they be painful or overwhelming satisfying, are given to us in deep, perfect, unwavering, beautiful love. Nothing is wasted, and nothing is meaningless.
As life unfolds before me and I enter into a new part of my existence on this earth, I will walk in the sureness that the Lord is holding me and guiding me through every single moment. I will reject hopelessness. I will reject fear. I will reject frustration birthed by lack of control. I will trust, and I will love.
Nothing can happen to me but what God has deemed necessary and beneficial for my development into a woman deeply in love with Himself. This is who I was born to be, and I will not stray from this journey leading me there.
Everything is going to be okay. In fact, in time, everything will be good.
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