Most people who know me understand that I love making plans. I am very rarely without a sense of direction, and as a heavily future-oriented person, I am not one to live in the moment. I am very intentional and very in tune with knowing what I want. And if I want something, I have a specific plan for how I see myself attaining it. This is the way I am wired. I do not expect things to just happen to me. I often figure that if something is going to happen, it's up to me to make it happen. I am a doer.
People who know this about me also probably know that I am incredibly confident in my plans. If I wasn't confident about them, they wouldn't be my plans. It's not that my plans are flawless; it's just that I am very confident in them. I feel very strongly about the things I intend to do and the things I trust to be good. When I have a plan and when I am executing a plan, I am happy. When I don't have a plan, I feel insecure and unstable. When I don't have a plan I feel out of control, and I despise feeling out of control, because I seem to believe that if I'm not in control, things will not turn out the way I want them to.
That being said, I can now begin to describe the things God was pounding into me today.
Today I felt like God was asking me to let go of my need for control. I felt like he was telling me to stop trusting my plans more than I trusted Him. I felt like He was telling me that the plans I make, whether they be based on logic, emotions, desire, or anything else, are becoming idols in my life. I felt like He was saying I should be neither surprised nor disappointed when He intervenes and disrupts my plans because my sight is severely limited. It was like He was saying, "You don't know what you need. You don't know what you want. You do not know what will satisfy. You do not know your purpose. I do. So follow me, and know that wherever I lead you will be what you need and want, what will satisfy you and leave you feeling purposeful. Your plans and your paths will not lead you there unless you submit those plans and paths to Me every day, so that I may make them and not you."
So often when things don't work out according to my plans, I feel upset and hopeless. When relationships fall, I get scared. When opportunities close, I feel limited. When a desired blessing does not come my way, I question God's goodness and provision. When my plans don't pan out, I feel I have failed, and honestly, sometimes I feel like God has failed. Either that or He is simply dishing out some sort of punishment or suffering. But today I have been thinking about it in a totally different light, and it's weird and, honestly, rather life-changing.
Nearly everyone in the scriptures that was called to follow Jesus was pulled from their plans and paths. This is because Jesus does not settle for simply aiding us in achieving our short-sighted goals and desires. When people truly follow Jesus, when they enter into a relationship with Him, He changes things, upsets their sense of direction, and asks for complete control. He asks them to trust Him and He promises to bless them if they do.
Sometimes it is hard to trust God, and I imagine it must have been hard to trust Jesus from time to time. It's hard to trust these guys because they always seem to ask that you let go of the things that make you feel secure and safe. Jesus asked people to leave their homes, their families, their lifestyles, their riches, their jobs, etc. Jesus asked people to let go of control and plans and security and the things they thought they were sure of. And that's scary. But, you know, Jesus did not ask this just to be mean or difficult. Jesus asked this (demanded this) because He knew there was something better that the people around Him could not yet see. He knew that if they followed their plans and stuck to the things they were "sure of," they would miss something great. And I think the same is true for us today. I think it's true for me today. God "messing up" my plans is not a punishment... It is a loving intervention, a blessing greater than I could ever imagine. Because He knows more than I do, even about myself and the things that will satisfy me.
I think one of the greatest purposes of Satan is to generate in Believers a feeling of distrust in God's leadership. I think Satan loves making us feel confident and secure in our plans so that we will be more likely to trust our own set out plans than the mysterious and often "illogical" leadership of God. When we cling to our plans more than we cling to the goodness and lovingness and God and the sureness of His perfect plan, we miss things God has for us. We miss them because we are afraid and because we want to be in control.
I think this bring up a very important difference between a person who believes in Christian theology and a person who is in a living relationship with God. You cannot trust God if you don't know Him, because if you're just accepting theology, you don't know God's goodness, wisdom, love, etc. You can't trust Him to get you somewhere better than you can get yourself unless there is a relationship in which you are constantly being reminded and further convinced of His ability to satisfy your soul and lead you into a life of perfect purpose and joy. It's not enough to believe in God and His character. In order to really get it, you have to allow yourself to fall in love with God and with Jesus. It is in doing this that a)your plans will be greatly shaken, and b) you will find a life richer than anything you could ever imagine.
Proverbs 19:21 -- "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Provers 16:9 -- "A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps."
Proverbs 3:6 -- "Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will direct your paths."
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