Therefore, go...

I can't seem to stop thinking about this.

Jesus came and told his disciples, “I have been given all authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:18-20).

"Therefore, go..."

Photoshop Creation, 2011

Niki Mangan ©

Let's Change The World, Shall We?

You and I are called to change the world. We are destined to accomplish the impossible. We have been commanded to be agents of the supernatural, to perform miracles and to strike awe into the hearts of those around us. You and I have been given the task of overcoming the insurmountable. We are born to wage wars against the powers of darkness and to triumph victoriously. As children of God, we are the most powerful people on earth. Do you believe this?

Yeah, me neither. At least, I couldn't prove I believed it with my behavior. The truth is, if I really believed those things, my life would look radically different. When you truly believe something, you act on it. Every time. Belief precedes action and demands it.

I'm convinced that one of Satan's most clever strategies against us is to deceive us into believing we are only capable of surviving, that changing the world is only for a select few who are much stronger, smarter, talented, and wealthy than we are. If this wasn't true, we would not have so many churches full of people satisfied with mediocrity, accomplishing just enough to live comfortably and without guilty consciences. The problem with the Church today isn't that we don't see the problems surrounding us; the problem is that we don't believe we're able to be the solution.

I have been battling this mindset my whole life. Honestly, I love the idea of being able to accomplish the impossible. I love the idea of being a mighty vessel of God, of making history and living an inspiring life of sacrifice and obedience. But it's always just an idea, because at the end of the day, I don't feel good enough to achieve anything great. I don't feel powerful. I don't feel victorious. I don't think I can change the world.

The problem is, lately God has been telling me otherwise. It's very frustrating. All this time, I've been justifying my average lifestyle by saying I just wasn't made with the ability to do great things. And I got to a place where I was okay with that. I thought it was okay for me to be only slightly generous, to be a little bold, to be a tiny bit disciplined (because that's better than most people, right?) Then God had the audacity to tell me that wasn't the case at all, that I'm just lazy and faithless, and that every day I live my life in an average way, I'm living in disobedience. I told God he was being dramatic. Thankfully God is patient and forgiving, willing to pursue even the most stubborn of hearts.

I am slowly learning to believe that with God, I can change the world. Each day he opens my eyes more and more to the power I have as His child. While I am weak and incapable myself, God is able to work through me to accomplish his purposes each day. I am learning that God not only desires to save us, but also desires to teach us and equip us to be the most powerful people the planet has ever seen. When we surrender ourselves fully to him, he can help us overcome selfishness, weakness, fear, dependence on comfort, etc. "God arms me with strength, and he makes my way perfect... He trains my hands for battle, he strengthens my arm... You have given me your shield of victory. Your right hand supports me; your help has made me great" (Ps. 18:32-35). Although I am clueless, God is the Wonderful teacher (Is 28:29); although I don't know what to do, he has created me for specific good works which he will reveal to me (Eph 2:10); although I am weak, he shows himself strong (2 Cor 12:8). Like Moses and Jeremiah, I tell God I am not qualified for the things he is calling me to, and just as he responded to them, he tells me I have to do them anyway.

I believe it is time for the Church to wake up and be the solution to the problems we see so clearly. It's time to step into power. We can help solve poverty, we can feed the hungry, we can defend the helpless, we can father the orphan, the can bring the gospel to those who have never heard. We can perform miracles, even greater than the works Jesus himself performed (John 14:12). Do you believe this? I challenge you, dare to believe you can change the world, and watch as our mighty God uses you to do the impossible. Through His power at work within us, He will "accomplish infinitely more than we could ask or imagine" (Eph 3:20).

Do Something.

There are moments, when the summer heat surrounds you and the dark night sky is clear enough for you to see hundreds of stars above you, when looking into your heart and being honest with yourself can be ridiculously painful. You must be very careful when you are alone and everything is quiet and you realize you are small -- you must be careful to occupy your mind with trivial things or pride, or you might find yourself realizing your imperfections while at the same time realizing the vastness of God and the gravity of the things He is calling you to. Be very careful, because in those moments, you are at risk of seeing that you are capable of much more than you previously thought. You are at risk of facing the truth about God, yourself, the world, and your purpose. And once a person comes to a place where they are staring face to face with the truth, their life will be ruined. I speak from experience here, because I just had one of those moments, and I sit here now with my life interrupted. Here I am, aware that everything is about to change.

I guess in all honesty, when I strip away the drama and my attempt at being poetic, it's not really about a moment. Really, it's a culmination of moments. There's nothing magical about where I am right now, but I have finally allowed myself to feel the weight of what I've been processing lately. It's exciting to speak in vague terms about "change" and "growth," because with words like that you can make yourself sound wise, and I at times convince myself in my arrogance that I'm inspiring. However, although talk makes me feel impressive, the reality makes me feel incredibly broken. Admitting you need to make changes is the easiest part of transformation. You can talk all day long about change without actually moving into action, but at the end of the day, that's nothing other than words. What really sucks is when your conviction reaches a point where you actually have to start moving forward and letting go of things and demanding more of yourself. Tonight, that's where I find myself, and I couldn't be more terrified.

I am terrified that unless I stop reading the Word, stop praying, stop paying attention to the world's needs, and stop engaging in conversation with other believers, I will become convinced that the work of God is worth dropping and forsaking everything to pursue. This concept of abandoning things and running in a direction opposite of my comfortable version of the American dream is plaguing me. Each day I realize more and more the lust I have for luxury , the faith I lack, the power I reject, the disgusting tolerance I have for injustice, the disobedience I try to justify. I am seeing for the first time that it's not enough for me to simply live a good life and love God, that I'm called to live a radical life of loving God and people not just in word but with my hands and my feet and my mouth, every day. I am realizing that American Christianity doesn't have all the answers and that it isn't doing everything right. I am realizing, regrettably at times, that God is not especially concerned with my comfort or making provisions for my flesh's desire for pleasure.

This is a difficult, painful, frustrating, terrible, beautiful place to find myself. I finally see that in order to change the world, you have to do more than think good thoughts and have good intentions. I'm seeing that being a person who says these things and lives a life that matches up with my words involves living sacrificially, giving generously, encouraging uninhibitedly, and possibly even going indefinitely. It means letting go of what I've considered "rights" for all my life, downgrading my standard of living, refusing to pursue pleasure over purpose, and being obedient even when I don't know where it's going to take me. It means taking my security out of the world and out of myself and placing it in God alone. It means that and so much more.

Under the clear night sky, my heart weights heavy. I can no longer write or speak these things without taking steps to strip away the parts of me that inhibit me from joyfully serving God with everything in me. It's time to lay down some idols, like money, relationships, success, comfort, entertainment, among other things. It's time to do something instead of just saying something.

This is going to get interesting.

Africa, You Have Stained My Soul and Opened My Eyes

Tonight I feel as if my heart is about to burst inside my chest. This afternoon I drove to the airport and said goodbye to a group of my friends leaving for Uganda. As I watched the shuffling of passports and suitcases, I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought about how just a few short weeks ago it was me leaving for Africa, nervous and full of enthusiasm and passion. I've been back in America for four days now, and I've woken up each morning early with the sun, hoping to find myself in Ethiopia with my team scurrying about, asking about breakfast and complaining about noisy goats. When I wake up enough to realize there's no mosquito net over my bed and that I'm siting in complete silence, alone in my room, my heart sinks and I feel a yearning I've never known before. Everyone told me transitioning back to America would be difficult, but I could have never anticipated the stain Africa would leave on my soul. My friend Chris told me that once you go to Africa, you never really feel at home in America. I wish I could say he was wrong. It feels like Africa is clinging to my very being, the way the dirt stuck to my skin and wouldn't wash away with water.

For the first day or so back in the States, I simply felt numb. As I answered questions and showed pictures, I couldn't feel anything. There was no emotion behind my words or my thoughts. All I could do was present the facts, and the personal memories seemed locked away. Even now, I haven't told anyone the details of even a single memory. As I type this, hot tears swell in my eyes and fall down my face as I remember conversations, victories, people. Incredible sadness hits me when I consider the reality that I might never see my friends and family there or walk Bahir Dar's streets again.

Although I've been home for several days now, I'm just now beginning to process my time in Africa. It's like it just hit me today that I'm not there anymore, that it's just a memory now. I cannot express with words the way I feel right now. I am filled with joy for the work that was accomplished during our time there, yet my heart is broken for the work that still needs to be done. I've never understood so clearly the condition of this world, and now that my eyes have been opened, I am left with this incredible since of urgency and absolutely no idea how to act. My time in Africa made me question everything, and it made me want to be a part of the solution to the problems I now see. The thing is, I am so small and so far away.

Right before our last night in Ethiopia, two of my team members, Derick and Brittany, and I sat outside with our primary translator, Kassahun, talking. The others in our group had gone to bed, and it was getting late. Before we called it a night, I asked Kassahun, "What final word of advice would you give to us as we go back to America?" He thought about it for a moment and then replied, "Jesus is coming back soon. And you must live like that is true." I feel like more than anything else I experienced in Ethiopia, that moment will stick with me the most -- hearing those words and seeing my friends' faces in the moonlight, aware of everything around me and wondering how I could embrace the significance of what was just said. It seemed so simple, but really, it's not. That's not the kind of statement that you can hear and just nod and agree with and then walk away without changing things. Honestly, those words present the most incredible challenge possible, and to agree with them fully demands I change so much of my life. It means dropping my trivial pursuits, abandoning my selfishness and my obsession with comfort and pleasure, and charging forward to help fulfill the great commission at all costs. If I'm honest with myself and with you, there is so much in my life that needs to change, and it took me going to Africa to see that.