Sunday, February 14, 2010

There Is a War Inside Me; It's Beautiful

"It's strange how knowledge changes perception." Famous romance writer Nicholas Sparks wrote those words in his book Dear John, which has just recently become a motion picture. I read it a few days before the movie came out, and I found this quote sincerely thought provoking, despite the book's totally unrealistic plot. While I don't believe you can fall in love in two weeks (as the book implies), I do believe the truth of this statement. Knowledge does change perception. Knowledge changes a lot.


But so often it's easier to cling to what you feel rather than what you know. Sometimes it's easier to just sit inside the lie, because fighting for the truth is unnatural and exhausting. Knowledge does change perception; at least, it should.


But sometimes it doesn't. Because sometimes we refuse to embrace truth. Sometimes we are too tired to fight, to resist, to believe. I find this very sad, but very true. Every day is a battle. At times every moment is a battle. Life is a battle for the mind.


It's important to recognize that the lies come from an enemy and that we are naturally weak against the enemy's attacks. The only way we can win is to choose to change our perception based on knowledge--the knowledge of God's power, goodness, and plan. We can, and must choose to think differently--to think based on what we know about God's character and intentions for our lives. We must choose to see and to embrace hope, joy, and purpose. We must choose to dismiss doubt, fear, hopelessness, sadness, and worry the very moment they enter our minds and in the same moment we must cling to what is true. In order to experience life as it is designed to be experienced, we must reject the enemy's whispers. Dallas Willard said, "To serve God well we must think straight; and crooked thinking, unintentional or not, always favors evil." Because of this, we must "take captive every thought" (2 Corinthians 10:5), "be transformed by the renewing of our minds" (Romans 12:2), and then believe and experience that "the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace" (Romans 8:6).


One powerful truth in my life is that God is not going to let it stop hurting too soon. He is not going to heal me before suffering has truly taught me, before it has created in me perseverance and dependence on Him. We will keep me weak until I have stopped seeking my own strength. He will allow the suffering until it has taken its perfect effect. And that doesn't make Him hateful. It shows me His greatness, because He is willing to let me endure the pain temporarily so that in the long term I may be better and stronger. He knows I am stubborn. And He is good enough to break me down. I wish it could happen over night, but I'm smart enough to know it will probably take a long time.


My heart feels surrender. I'm just waiting for it to be real. I know it isn't, not quite yet. There is more. So I will keep on trying. I will keep choosing His strength; I will keep embracing my weakness.


2 Corinthians 12:9 -- "My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness."


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